Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Please don't give away my fajitas
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
