Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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