you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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