Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
