Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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