i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
