I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
We need to feng shui this bitch.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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