I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Say something about gay babies.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Randomize
