I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Randomize
