Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
