i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
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