i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
