I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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