I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
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