your thong is hanging out like whoa
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
