apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
