She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
