im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I just threw up on my dentist
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize