Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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