I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
