Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
