As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
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