You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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