No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Randomize
