one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Randomize
