I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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