guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
