Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
His nipple licking is glorious
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