I bet he comes in French.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
Say something about gay babies.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
