My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Randomize
