Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
i think my cat just said my name.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
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