I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize