I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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