i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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