this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
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