I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
