Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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