You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Are we still banned from the library?
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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