I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
