She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
