I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
