I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Watching her eat just hurts me
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize