By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize