Can i not drive my cunt home
Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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