He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Someone came in the potted fern
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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