this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
