If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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