I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize