i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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