You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
