I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
