Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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