I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
