she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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