she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize