I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
