ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Randomize
