you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I touched a dick in church today
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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