The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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