Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
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