I like my sex mixed with concussions.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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