id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize