i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Randomize
