i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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