This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
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