Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
