Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize