had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
