The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize