I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
