oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize