it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
is that a dick in a sweater?
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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