Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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