So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
where are you?
Hypothermia
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
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