alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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