eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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